is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am available for nakedness
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
