Where is the hickey?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You smell like stripper and shame
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
