Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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