Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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