You're completely useless in the revolution.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I love you. Go after that dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
