please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
