End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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