I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
