That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
