you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I still have a little drunk in my system
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
