i permit you to call me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
