im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
