We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
