I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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