At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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