Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
