yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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