Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
