I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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