your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize