I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
