dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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