He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
