Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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