My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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