my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
