I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
