do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
