Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A+ Viking dick
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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