you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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