You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
