Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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