SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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