I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
