If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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