can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
