i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
