I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
