ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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