i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
