Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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