she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The adults are the big ones right?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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