remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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