Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
