I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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