Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
