I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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