I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
