Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
