Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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