I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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