FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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