i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
