LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
