2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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