That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
