I like to think it a success when the cops are called
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
