she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Its about making memories worth repressing
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
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He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
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Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.