how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
