My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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