If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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