i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
