i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
