Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
