i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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