I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
