butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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