just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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