I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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