Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
