So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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