hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
