It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
