Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
