Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
